The In-House Baseball Guru graces us with an interview on the status of the St. Louis Cardinals:
CURIOUS: Hello, Mr. Guru.
GURU: Hello, Mr. Curious.
C: So, how 'bout them Redbirds?
G: They all gotta see more pitches.
C: Do you have anything positive to say about them?
G: Well, they're second in most double plays turned on them, so......
C: But they also have Adam Wainwright. Isn't his skill a positive sign?
G: He hasn't thrown his curve in recent games, and he's been as *cough* bad as Jake Westbrook in the past few days.
C: Not a Westbrook fan, eh?
G: Nope, can't say that I am 'cause I ain't.
C: So, are there any players you do like? What about David Freese?
G: Mr. Freese needs some time off.
C: Okay, Freese is out. How about Allen Craig?
G: He's been a big plus lately. But all the other players are negatives, which cancel him out.
C: For a moment I thought there'd be something less morose from you, but I suppose not. Can you explain how, in spite of their apparent lack of skill, the Cardinals are nonetheless second in their division?
G: Oh, sure, the Reds are only half a game behind them. But I must say, it does take some skill to get where they are.
C: So, who's your favorite player?
G: Pitcher or hitter?
C: Who's the best hitter, in your opinion?
G: Without question, Matt Adams. Or Carlos Beltran.
G: Joe Kelly, at the moment. Michael Wacha's pretty good, too.
C: Wacha, Wacha!!! Well, thank you, Mr. Guru, for letting us interview you.
G: Sure, no problem, Mr. Curious! Go Cards!
This has been an interview with our In-House Baseball Guru. Back to you, Mike Shannon!